


Dumbasses

by UnfortunatelyObsessed



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gabe and Dean are dumbasses, Gabe and Dean share one brain cell and Sam stole it a long time ago, M/M, that's it that's the fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:14:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23473774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnfortunatelyObsessed/pseuds/UnfortunatelyObsessed
Summary: "I'm not sticking my dick in a hot pocket!"
Relationships: Gabriel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 18
Kudos: 64
Collections: Demon Void Army - Family Album





	Dumbasses

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Petrichora_Vellichor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Petrichora_Vellichor/gifts).



Hot and heavy wasn't quite the right set of words to describe Gabriel.

For one, he wasn't very heavy. And while — sure, Gabriel was physically attractive, he wasn't unbearably warm or humid or whatever.

He was just mildly warm, just warm enough that Dean could relax into the sensation as fingertips travelled under his jacket.

"Whatcha say, pretty boy? You in or out?"

Dean swallowed thickly, eyes darting to take in every detail, every golden hair. "Um, yeah. Yeah. Let's — yes." He tripped over himself going to the bed, rifling through the drawers. "Just gotta find—..."

Gabe watched in amusement as Dean frantically searched through his dresser, then under the bed, then the bathroom. With a snap, Gabriel materialized a hot pocket, munching thoughtfully. "You alright there, Deano?"

Dean's head stuck out from the bathroom. "I can't find condoms."

"Oh!" Gabriel looked at his hot pocket, eaten on one thin end. "Hey, here's a wild idea—"

"If you suggest using that hot pocket I will personally put you out of your misery."

"It's kind of condom-y!" Gabriel argued. "I could make it indestructible!"

Dean was out of the bathroom, shaking his head in frustration. "I'm _not_ sticking my _dick_ in a hot pocket!"

"Then it's settled! I'll stick _my_ dick in and—"

"NO." Dean sighed. "Maybe Sam has some...?"

"Why would he?"

"Why _wouldn't_ he?"

Gabe shrugged. "I mean, his dick is pretty lethal. Seems unnecessary."

"I— yeah, okay, you have a point." Dean bit his bottom lip, thinking. "Do balloons like... do they _function_ the same way or—?"

Gabriel clicked his tongue. "Dunno. But we can find out?" He snapped a pack of balloons into existence. "Pick a color, Green Dean."

"Well now I _have_ to pick green," Dean grumbled. He stretched the balloon, sizing it up. "Maybe we should just go to the store. You could just zap us there, yeah?"

"Yeah, don't see why not. We can steal them and poof back—"

"We're not _stealing_ _**condoms."**_

"You're no fun."

"Look, I'll just ask Sam if he has some, okay?" Dean picked up his phone, glaring at Gabriel just a moment before hiding his ensuing grin.

"We are in the same building, Dean," Sam's voice came over the phone.

"Yeah look I know, I just need to borrow some condoms."

"Condoms."

"Yes."

"From me."

"Yes?"

"When you've got an _archangel_ you could ask."

Dean huffed. "He doesn't _have_ any. He mojo'd up some balloons but it seems iffy to me and—"

Sam was dying with laughter on the other end of the line. "Oh my god, Dean, _**Dean."**_

"I feel like I should hang up on you."

"Holy _shit._ " Sam was still giggling. "How about uh, I dunno, you get your _archangel_ to _mojo_ some up for you, huh?"

Dean did not say anything for a full minute. "Fuck you." He hung up on Sam's ensuing laughter.

Gabriel perked up from where he was finishing the hot pocket. "What did Sammy say? Does he have any?"

"He said we're idiots," Dean deadpanned before kissing Gabriel harshly. "He also said we should just mojo these balloons _into_ condoms."

Gabriel snapped, grinning wickedly. "That's why he's the brains of this operation."

"And what am I?" Dean mumbled against his lips.

Gabe gave an approving appraisal. "The hot piece of ass," he said, lips not quite making it to a grin as they were captured by Dean's own.


End file.
